My feelings tell me there’s something magical about the world, that love is a metaphysical reality, that my ancestors are behind us, sharing their wisdom. Having memories of lives as other animals millions of years ago. Knowing when your soul connects with another. Seeing that we are all one in the same being and the universe is just an egg. So is that what I believe? Samsara and rebirth, some kind of pantheism, and we have a shamanistic connection with this higher reality?
My reason tells me the obvious truth is that all life is temporary and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Now that you know, you’ll spend a short life in fear, wondering when you or your family will disappear into Oblivion in a milisecond. The universe is just a rotting graveyard. So is that what I believe? Am I a nihilist with a void for a soul, knowing there’s no hope, no reason?
Do we all live life just trying not to be a nihilist? Either way, I’m skirting the line between these complete opposites. Our mind is a blend of existential terror, cosmic horror, and blissful spiritual euphoria. Between all of these, I’ve decided to just recognize the fact that no matter which one is true, it’s a fucking miracle that anything is here at all. God or nihilism, everything is a miracle. If there’s any meaning to life then it’s our family and friends. Even if religion is bullshit, it doesn’t mean virtues, vices, and spiritually aren’t real. That’s why our un-distracted ancestors originated the myths and traditions about our lives, our roll in the community, celebrating life and the dead. They worked as a tribe. Maybe that’s the key to no regrets. God or nihilism, it’s all a miracle, so just find your family.